Shall we begin with marriage?
I think we shall.
Josh and I married on December 7, 2011. Both at the age of 19. It was a decision that was supported by some, and not by others.
2011 was a super shitty year for me. Super shitty. Things just kind of kept going downhill as the year went on. I think it was early October when Josh called me with an issue of us getting taken advantage of and I said we should just move out of the state. I'd always wanted to go, so why not then? I needed a break from the drama that was in my life at that time. It just snowballed from there. An amazing family offered us a great opportunity and we jumped on it. I'm not quite sure how the subject came about (though I'm pretty sure I brought it up), but we decided to get married. I'm making the choice not to delve into much detail surrounding the following months as it was kind of rough and I don't want to rehash things that are in the past. Obviously you know the end of that aspect of the story. We got married about a month later we packed a U-Haul and were on our way.
After the first month, the next five were spent living with the amazing family aforementioned. I wasn't working and Josh was building houses about an hour away. We trucked along until our move to Fort Collins where we lived in our pop-up trailer for a few months. We made our move back to Michigan in September, if I recall.
Josh and I celebrated our first year anniversary in our rental back in SW Michigan. We resided there for the next year.
Kudos to you if you've made it this far! Sorry if it was pretty boring. It was in this rental where I came to a realization: Marriage is nothing like what you think it will be like. It's awesome and difficult all at the same time. It's amazing to be matched with a person who knows the good and the bad and still loves you. It's can also be extremely frustrating. It's all about sacrifices and keeping in check with what is best not for yourself, but for both of you as a couple. Sometimes you feel so in love you can't even imagine it is real. Other times you feel isolated and as you can't make a connection.
You grow. And sometimes you don't grow together. When you get married shortly out of high school and before you experience much, I guess I didn't realize that you don't really know who you are. I didn't know I was a rambler. I didn't realize that I haven't found where I want my roots. I have a love for the Rocky Mountains. I do. I would love to return. Many conversations have been had and I know Josh doesn't have that love. Josh's world revolves around his family. He loves so much about SW Michigan. I think it's okay, and I'm not displeased to be here, but I'm always wondering what it would be like to live in the south, or in a different part of the West. When I decided to take the plunge and return to school, I debated going out of state. I'm glad I didn't, because Josh and I would not flourish with a long distance relationship. Sacrifices. We found a compromise that could let me work here, or elsewhere in the country. Josh is making sacrifices by working the job he does and waiting to move forward on his dreams until I graduate.
I look back at how much I've changed and matured, even in the past 2.5 years. Josh has grown up so much as well. Thing is, no matter how young or old you are, you never stop growing and maturing. A close friend of mine unfortunately just went through a tough break up and it came up at an agility class. A gal that is in her 50's gladly piped in to say she was "happily divorced" and that "you are so young. you will find out one day that normally you just want to be with the dogs and that being alone isn't bad". I don't know why, but that kind of offended me. Yes, I am young. Hi! Meet Meagan, the 22 year old. Maybe I grew up fast or maybe I just think I'm more mature than most people my age, but though I was young when we made our decisions, I don't have any regrets. I think that there is probably a 90 year old who looks at that 50 year old gal and wonders just how much growing she has to do. I look forward to seeing how much we mature together in the next 2.5 years, and again in the next 10 years and so on.
I warned you that I wasn't quite sure where this was going. It's not very well written, possibly because it is 12:30am. However, it has been jumbling around in my head for too long now and it was time to kick it out.
We are at a pretty neat place in our lives right now. We still have our struggles, but we bought a house and are working on building a solid life for ourselves. We plan to do some remodeling and then eventually we will begin to work on finding our farm. I'm pretty stoked to see how it all comes together.
Expectations. They are never met, but sometimes that's because it is better than you expect. That'll do for now.
